How to Get a Job 101

So I'm thirty-three days away from graduation (but who's counting?), and I feel, like most graduating seniors, that I have learned every single thing there is to learn about my major. And both my minors. I've learned everything, I've practiced everything, I've even gotten hands-on experience--the epitome of ISU's "experiential learning" motto--by making entire PR campaigns for companies in the community* and being an intern. In short, I'm already a pro.**

But as the days grow longer and the count grows shorter,*** I've come to the realization that in all the classes and experience and everything Indiana State includes in their undergraduate programs to prepare students for getting a job in the "real world," they've forgotten one tiny, insignificant thing.

How to actually get said job in said "real world."

Sure, they teach you what to do when you get there--writing, speaking, researching, blah blah blah. I can crank out a twenty-page research paper in under a day and a half.
Perfect.
I can supplement my disgustingly intriguing persuasive speech with a stellar PowerPoint presentation.
Lovely.
I can define pages upon pages of PR terms, explain marketing theories, draw you a detailed diagram of the communication model in my sleep.
Delightful.

But does that tell me when to start contacting employers or how often to call them back before they slap a restraining order on me for stalking them? Does it help me decide how much of my own style is "acceptable" to wear when meeting potential employers or interviewing?**** Is green nail polish okay? Will they take off points if I wear adorable confidence-inspiring hot pink stilettos instead of plain Jane boring black ones?

For all the money I shell out in tuition payments,***** you'd think they could at least teach us something useful.









* Read: slave labor

** Obviously, I should basically be starting out at the very least as a top-level manager (okay, you're right. I should be a CEO now.), but for some reason the Gods that Distribute Jobs don't seem to think nineteen years of schooling (counting two years of preschool, of course. That extra year really helped solidify my lego-building skills) is equal to the same amount of experience in an "actual" job. Go figure. (The jerks.)

*** And my job search continues to turn up empty...by the way, if you're reading this, my name is Hannah Shaner and I'm ambitious, motivated, and hard-working, seeking a creative fast-paced PR/marketing career, and can send you my fantastic resume on demand...

**** Okay, so they do have "interview dress" guidelines: http://www.indstate.edu/carcen/studentsAndAlumni/dress/default.aspx (Love you, Roomie!!). But seriously, suits make me vomit. And it is the 21st century.

***** Read: for all the money my parents shell out in tuition payments